Updated: Mar 8, 2021
-Written by a brave and beautiful loss momma, Morgan McLaverty
As loss parents we know the depths of despair, having lived on after the passing of our little ones. We also know that we are expected, by society, to do so in silence. It isn't considered "polite" to remind the world of the horrible loss we have just experienced. You're expected to carry this burden on your own. To mourn quickly and move on, just as the rest of the world has. The problem is, the burden of a loss so great, it's hard to contain. There will be cracks in even the strongest of facades. There will be damage that no amount of pretending can camouflage.
Some brave women have come forward, sharing their tales of heart ache. Strong, smart, beautiful women. Women who have felt the impossible pain of living on, after their child had passed. They shared their stories, exposed their most vulnerable thoughts and feelings, allowing the rest of us to help carry their burden.
By sharing their stories, these women have allowed us to be brave enough to unburden ourselves too.
Yet, they were met with accusations of a publicity stunt; a desperate plea for attention. The death of their child was not seen for what it should have been; a moment for the world to soften their hearts. A time to cry for the broken woman who now, must learn to live with pieces of her missing. Instead, women like Meaghan Markle and Chrissy Teigen learned the nasty truth that we all learn as loss moms,but only on a bigger stage. They were told their grief was faked, and that these were private moments not meant to be shared. Instead of love and care, they were met with hate and shaming. I wish that their celebrity status created this harsh reality. That every loss mom in the "real world" is never met with people who question their motives; confusing their heart ache as an attempted opportunity for attention. Sadly, most every momma has a story or two about those who have left them feeling as if loss is something one gets over. Every loss mom understands being questioned as to why they would publicly share something so private.
The Meghan's and Chrissie's of this world may feel more people snubbing their decisions and desire to share, but the "every-day woman" has lived it too. I wish I could change the hearts of those that cast doubt upon the woman who bravely stands up and shares her pain. I wish that no one else had to feel quite so alone; but I can't. All I can do, all anyone can do, is be that shoulder for anyone who decides to share their experience. Become the keeper of this secret pain. Be the bearer for the momma who needs to carry a lesser load. None of us perfect, but we can choose to be better. Be better for the future Meghan's. For the future mommas who will leave the hospital with broken hearts and empty arms, yearning for the children who were so wanted.
So, share your story momma! Share it and then listen to others, so no loss has to be felt alone.