Supporting Families After Pregnancy & Infant Loss

The loss of a baby affects not only parents, but also siblings, grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, and close friends. Everyone grieves differently, and how each person responds can impact the family’s healing, choices in memory-making, and long-term adjustment. Here are gentle ways to support families through this journey.

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How You Can Help

• Respect Their Privacy - Grief has no rule book. Parents—even partners—may process loss differently. Give them space while offering quiet, steady support.

• Check In Without Expectation - A simple message can mean everything: “You don’t need to respond. I just want you to know I’m thinking of you and [baby’s name]. I’ll check in again soon so you know you’re not alone.”

• Protect Baby Items - Parents may want to hide or discard items immediately. Offer to store these for them—they may want them later.

• Offer Specific Help - Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” be concrete, such as Can I drop off dinner at 5 PM?, Do you mind if I take siblings to the park? or send a gift card for self-care or meals.

• Attend a Support Group With Them - Offer to be their “wingman.” Stay off camera in virtual groups or sit beside them in person. Plan a small comfort afterward (ice cream, coffee, a walk).

• Handle Practical Chores - Offer to return gifts, write thank-you notes, or shop for others’ birthdays/holidays. These tasks are often unbearable in early grief.

• Remember Milestones - Send cards on birthdays, due dates, or holidays—always include the baby’s name. This reassures families their child is never forgotten.

• Donate in Baby’s Memory - Make a financial or in-kind donation to a hospital, nonprofit, or memorial event in the baby’s honor. Public acknowledgment validates their grief and love.

• Offer Normalcy - Invite them to small, familiar routines—a monthly dinner, nature walks, or favorite activities. These create grounding and consistency.

• Be Mindful With Words - You don’t need to fix grief. Simply listen, witness, and affirm.

 

What Not to Say

• “You’re young, you can have more.”

• “It wasn’t meant to be.”

• “At least you have other children.”

• “Life goes on.”

• “Don’t cry.”

• “It was only a miscarriage.”

• “I know exactly how you feel.”

 

What You Can Say

• “I don’t know what to say, but I’ll listen.”

• “You must feel devastated.”

• “I’m so sorry this happened.”

• “I love you.”

• “Can I bring you dinner Tuesday at 5?”

• “I’d be happy to attend a support group with you.”

• “I did a random act of kindness in [baby’s name]’s memory today.”

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