Supporting Non-Birthing Parents After Loss

The grief of pregnancy and infant loss touches everyone, not just the birthing parent. Dads and non-birthing parents often face unique challenges—balancing their own grief with the pressure to “be strong,” support their partner, and return to routines quickly. Their grief is real and valid, even if it looks different.

​

LGBTQ+ Non-Birthing Parent Support After Perinatal Loss

LGBTQ+ non-birthing parents may face unique challenges when navigating perinatal loss, including systemic barriers, lack of inclusive care, and amplified isolation. Validating their grief and ensuring they have access to LGBTQ+-affirming support is vital.

​

Common Experiences for Dads/Non-Birthing Parents

• Feeling overlooked – Family, friends, and even healthcare providers often focus on the birthing parent, unintentionally minimizing the partner’s grief.

• Pressure to “stay strong” – Many feel they must hide their emotions, take care of practical needs, and protect others.

• Different grieving styles – One partner may want to talk, cry, or share memories, while the other may cope by working, exercising, or withdrawing. Both are normal.

• Isolation – Without visible physical recovery, dads/non-birthing parents are often expected to “move on” sooner. This can feel incredibly lonely.

 

How to Support a Dad or Non-Birthing Parent

• Acknowledge Their Grief - Say their baby’s name, ask how they are, and validate their loss.

• Encourage Expression - Let them know it’s okay to cry, journal, attend support groups, or seek counseling.

• Share Responsibilities - Offer help with meals, errands, or childcare so they can take time to process.

• Give Space for Different Coping Styles - Don’t compare how partners grieve—neither way is wrong.

• Offer Consistent Check-Ins - Send a simple message like: “I’m thinking of you and your baby. No need to respond—I just want you to know you’re not alone.”

• Include Them in Memory-Making - Encourage them to hold their baby, participate in photos, or create keepsakes. These moments matter for both parents.

 

Resources for Dads & LGTBQ Family Building

Local Support

• Mazzoni Center (Philadelphia, PA) - An LGBTQ-focused health center offering comprehensive care, inclusive counseling, support groups, and behavioral health services. A welcoming place for grief support after loss.

 

Online Support

• Return to Zero: HOPE - Support for bereaved families, including dads. Provides LGBTQ+-specific support groups, affirming workshops, a therapist directory, and curated resources to address discrimination and visibility gaps in pregnancy and infant loss care.

• MISS Foundation - Support groups and resources for all family members.

• Postpartum Support International - Includes resources for perinatal mood disorders in dads and partners.

• Still Standing Magazine - Articles written by and for bereaved parents, including fathers.

• Empty Arms Bereavement - Hosts LGBTQ+ peer support and a dedicated perinatal loss support group led by parents who have walked similar paths—offering connection and understanding.

​

Books

• A Guide for Fathers: When a Baby Dies - Tim Nelson

• Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back - Kelly Farley

• From Father to Father: Letters from Loss Dad to Loss Dad - Emily Long

• Men & Miscarriage: A Dad's Guide to Grief - Chris Whitfield

• It's OK that Your'e Not OK - Megal Devine

• Reproductive Losses: Challenges to LGBTQ Family-Making - Christa Craven

​​

#GrievingDads #InfantLossSupport #PregnancyLossAwareness #StillbirthSupport #NonBirthingParent #BereavedFathers #ThreeLittleBirds #ShatterTheStigma #miscarriage #stillbirth #neonatalloss #NICU #babyloss #bereaveddads #LGBTQ #familybuilding #LGBTQGriefSupport #QueerParentLoss #InclusiveBereavement #PregnancyLossCommunity #ThreeLittleBirds #LGBTQFamilySupport