Returning Home After Loss

Coming home after discharge can feel comforting for some and triggering for others. Both are normal. Give yourself time and space. You don’t have to do any of this alone.

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Ask for Help (Choose a Support Person)

A trusted friend or relative can:

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• Prepare the home: Move potential triggers out of sight (don’t throw anything away yet).

• Notify others: Let friends/family know you need time and gentle check-ins.

• Handle calls & logistics: Insurance, counseling referrals, appointments, meal train, funeral providers.

• Create quiet time: Arrange childcare/play dates for breaks and rest.

• Hold space: Listen without fixing; be a calm, steady presence.

 

Questions for Your Care Team (Before Discharge)

Bring your partner or support person if possible and keep all paperwork.

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• What are the next steps for burial/cremation?

• What postmortem testing options apply to us?

• How do I safely suppress milk if I choose?

• What mental health resources are available?

 

Leaving the Hospital

This is one of the hardest moments. You can:

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• Carry a bear or keepsake to ease “empty arms.”

• Request a private exit or specific time to avoid crowds.

 

Remember: you’re leaving the building, not your baby’s love. You carry them with you.

 

Lactation After Loss

Your body may make milk; that can be physically and emotionally painful. Both paths are valid:

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To Suppress Milk

• Chilled cabbage leaves in the bra, brief ice packs, nursing pads, anti-lactation herbal tea, gentle massage.

• Ask your provider for medications or additional guidance as needed.

 

To Donate Milk

• Some bereaved parents find meaning in donation. Milk banks require screening and a blood test; your lactation professional can walk you through it.

 

The Emotions of Milk

Feeling distressed by milk—or comforted by it—is normal. A lactation consultant can support either choice. Some parents also create breast milk jewelry or other keepsakes (ashes, hair, placenta, or flowers) when and if it feels right.

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Other Postpartum Considerations

Postmortem Testing (Optional)

Autopsy, pathology, genetics, or parent diagnostics may help determine a cause. Testing can delay final arrangements, may not be covered by insurance, and sometimes offers no clear answers. It is your choice.

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Follow-Up Appointments

Your OB/GYN should schedule a 6–8 week postpartum visit (or earlier as advised).

• Scheduling: Ask for the first/last slot of the day.

• Special requests: Separate entrance/waiting room if triggers are likely; extra time for questions.

• Advocate: Share how you want yourself and your baby addressed; request a preferred clinician.

• Be honest: They can’t support what they don’t know—your feelings are valid.

 

Time Off / Disability

You may be eligible for short-term disability, FMLA, union benefits, or supplemental insurance depending on your situation and state laws. Ask HR/benefits for details.

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Finding Community Support

Three Little Birds offers peer-led groups and events (virtual & in-person) for Philadelphia/South Jersey—always free. When you’re ready, add your email to receive the monthly support schedule.

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Managing Mail & Social Media

Reduce Baby-Related Mail

To limit baby catalogs and coupons, use the Direct Marketing Association Mail Preference Service (and contact individual companies as needed). It may take time to update lists.

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Social Media Boundaries

• It’s okay to take a break, mute keywords, unfollow temporarily, or use private groups only.

• Step away during holidays/anniversaries if needed—you can return when ready.

• Many families find healing in sharing their story to help #ShatterTheStigma—when and if it feels right.

 

Stillbirth Certificates

• New Jersey: Request a “Certificate of Birth Resulting in Stillbirth” with the REG-68 form; submit with ID and fees to the NJ Office of Vital Statistics (see form instructions for address and hours).

• Pennsylvania: Apply via health.pa.gov. The first certificate is free; each additional copy is $20.

 

Featured Local Support Providers 

• General Postpartum Support: Postpartum Support International - Perinatal and postpartum mood and anxiety disorder support sensitive to perinatal loss

• Lactation: Hey Mama Lactation & Perinatal Care — bereavement lactation guidance (suppression or donation).

• Mental Health:

  • Postpartum Wellness Initiative for South Jersey — statewide resource links.

  • The Postpartum Stress Center (Plymouth Meeting, PA) — in-person/teletherapy; LGBTQ-affirming.

  • Ashley Perry, LPC, PMH-C, NCC, Goodnow Counseling — Telehealth; Perinatal Mental Health (PMH-C).

  • Alicia Carpenter, A Hopeful Tomorrow Counseling — perinatal therapy, grief/loss.

  • Erin Epstein, LSW,  Brownstone Wellness Center — grief/loss, infertility, PAIL, LGBTQ+ competent care.

  • Dr. Jana Hartjen, Emotionally Nourished Therapy — PSI board member; perinatal/postpartum support.

  • Susan Gold, MA, LPC, Susan Gold Psychotherapy - Licensed Professional Counelsor with special sensitivity to perinatal loss.

 

Gentle Reminders

• There’s no right or wrong pace.

• Accept help; ask for clear, simple tasks.

• Rest, hydrate, nourish your body; grief is full-body work.

• You and your baby deserve tenderness and time.

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Next steps...

Click here for information about the community available to you to heal after baby loss.

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