At the Time of Loss

Hearing the words “I’m sorry, there is no heartbeat” can feel impossible. You may be in shock, numb, or unable to cry. These reactions are normal. Take a breath. Give yourself a moment.

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What to Expect

The first hours may feel surreal—like time is standing still. Everyone responds differently. Some feel nothing, others feel everything. Please remember:

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• Be gentle with yourself. Grief is overwhelming, and time will help clear the fog.

• It’s okay to change your mind about meeting or holding your baby. Many parents say yes later, even if they first say no.

• You can request a different care provider if you don’t feel supported.

• You and your partner may react differently. Be patient with each other—you are both experiencing trauma.

 

Understanding Grief

Perinatal loss is one of the most traumatic experiences a parent can endure. Grief can affect your body, mind, emotions, spirit, and relationships. Common feelings include shock, denial, guilt, anger, anxiety, sadness, confusion, and isolation.

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If you ever feel unsafe or suicidal, please call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 or 911 in emergencies.

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Your Rights as Parents

• Time with your baby: There is no legal limit. Ask about a Cuddle Cot or Caring Cradle if available.

• Choices: You can see your baby, even if your partner or family feels differently. You can hold them as much—or as little—as you want.

• Bonding: Bathe, dress, take photos, or keep small keepsakes (like blankets or washcloths). These moments often become treasured memories.

 

Common Questions

What do I do now?

• Notify your immediate support system.

• Ask your care team about birth options (D&C/D&E, labor, c-section if medically required).

• Focus only on meeting and loving your baby. Decisions about autopsy, burial, or cremation can wait.

 

Do I have to meet or hold my baby?
No. But you may change your mind—and many parents do. Every baby deserves dignity and love, and parents rarely regret creating memories, photos, or keepsakes.

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What questions can I ask my care team?

• Is a Cuddle Cot, Caring Cradle or other cooling beds available?

• Can you contact at Three Little Birds (or other) Perinatal Bereavement Photographer to support bonding and memory making?

• What spiritual or religious support can be arranged?

• Can you contact Three Little Birds to send an advocate through their Bedside Bereavement Program? (Text 856-656-6436 to confirm support.)

 

Above All…

Your baby is loved. They matter. You matter. You are not alone.

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Next steps...

Click here for information on the considerations and options available to you to bond and make memories with your baby.

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