Supporting Siblings Through Perinatal Loss

When a baby dies during pregnancy or shortly after birth, the grief reaches beyond parents—it touches siblings too. Children of all ages grieve differently, and how we support them can shape their understanding of loss, family, and love for years to come.

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Understanding Sibling Grief

• Toddlers/Young Children (2–6 years): May not fully understand death, but notice absence and changes in routine. They may regress (bedwetting, clinginess) or act out.

• School-Age Children (7–12 years): Often have concrete questions and may feel guilt (“Did I cause this?”). They may hide their grief to protect parents.

• Teens (13–18 years): Understand permanence but may feel isolated, angry, or pressure to “be strong.” They may turn to peers or withdraw.

• Adult Siblings: Grieve deeply too—especially when a sibling is lost before or just after birth. They may feel overlooked as extended family focuses on the parents.

 

How to Support Siblings

• Be Honest, Age-Appropriate, and Simple - Use clear words: “The baby died.” Avoid phrases like “lost” or “sleeping,” which confuse children.

• Encourage Questions - Answer what you can, honestly. It’s okay to say “I don’t know.” Reassure them they didn’t cause this.

• Involve Them in Memory Making - Examples include drawing pictures or writing letters for the baby, choosing an outfit, toy, or blanket, participate in handprints, footprints, or photos and/or light a candle or release a balloon together.

• Maintain Routine - Predictable meals, school, and activities provide security. Balance structure with flexibility.

• Acknowledge Their Grief - Say their baby sibling’s name. Validate that siblings miss them too. Remind them it’s okay to feel sad, mad, confused—or even to laugh and play.

• Offer Creative Outlets - Art, journaling, sports, and music help children express feelings that words cannot.

• Seek Peer & Professional Support - Bereaved sibling groups, child life specialists, or grief counselors can offer safe spaces. For teens, online forums can be a lifeline.

 

Words That Help

• “It’s okay to be sad and miss your baby brother/sister.”

• “You didn’t cause this. You can’t make people die by being mad or having a thought.”

• “We all love the baby, and it’s okay to love and miss them together.”

 

Resources for Siblings & Families

Organizations and Online Support

• JoJo’s Rockets – Legacy project in memory of Josiah Lewis – Josiah’s sister, Nova, supports siblings in Philadelphia and South Jersey who have experienced the loss of a sibling to perinatal loss.

• Peter’s Place – (St. Davids, PA) A center for grieving children & families. The Mission of Peter's Place is to provide safe and supportive environments for grieving children and families.

• The Dougy Center – National center for grieving children and families

• National Alliance for Children’s Grief – Resources for parents and professionals

 

Books for Children and Teens

• Remembering Baby Bird – Authored by Three Little Birds’ founders to help families gently explain the loss of a baby sibling – Click to download a free PDF copy - available in English, Spanish, LGBTQ moms and LGBTQ dads (ages 3-8)

• We Were Gonna Have A Baby, But We Had an Angel Instead – Pat Schwiebert (ages 3-8)

• Always my Twin – Cathy Blanford (ages 4-9)

• When Dinosaurs Die – Laurie Krasny Brown (general grief; ages 5-9)

• Healing a Child’s Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas – Alan D. Wolfelt (all ages)