Healing After Loss: Finding a New Normal

It may be weeks since your loss and grief can still feel heavy. That’s normal. Grief changes over time—some days feel lighter, others don’t. Healing often looks like one step forward, two steps back. That’s normal, too.

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Navigating Triggers

Some triggers you can anticipate; others arrive unexpectedly. Give yourself grace while you learn your limits. You might:

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• Take social media breaks or mute keywords.

• Decline baby showers or kid-centric events.

• Skip shows/ads that feel intense or baby-focused.

• Keep baby items out of sight for now.

• Shop online to avoid difficult store aisles.

 

Caring for Body, Mind, and Spirit

Put yourself first, even for an hour a day.

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• Gentle movement: A short walk; notice the sun, breeze, colors—help your body move heavy energy.

• Music & journaling: Write or draw whatever is true—angry, soft, or anything between.

• Meditation/breathwork: Find stillness without rules (chair, bed, or couch is fine).

• Channel anger: Try kickboxing or martial arts for safe release.

 

Returning to Work

A phased return or EAP resources may be available. If you’re in a union, ask about temporary accommodations. Know your bereavement and disability benefits, and advocate for what you need.

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The Duality of Pregnancy & Infant Loss

Perinatal loss is often disenfranchised grief—pain that isn’t openly recognized or supported. It’s normal to hold opposite emotions at once:

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• Sadness and gratitude can coexist. Love remains part of your story.

• Happy for others and sad for yourself can both be true.

• Loving people and feeling disappointed by their responses can happen at the same time. Changing relationships after loss is common.

 

Finding Support That Works for You

Your needs may change over months and years—yours and your partner’s.

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• Expect ebbs and flows; early months may feel heavy and lonely as check-ins fade.

• Milestones (due date, birth/death anniversaries) may bring either avoidance or a desire to honor and remember. There’s no right way.

• Use postpartum/mental health resources your care team provided; national and local options are available, including:

  • Southern New Jersey Perinatal Cooperative (regional maternal/infant health resources).

  • Maternal Wellness Center (Hatboro, PA) – Life After Loss & Parenting After Loss groups.

  • Center for Loss & Bereavement (Skippack, PA) – counseling and education.

  • Postpartum Support International (PSI) – provider directory & hotlines.

  • Peter’s Place – support for grieving children/families.

• Online: search for groups by your specific experience (e.g., stillbirth, twin loss, TFMR) and nearest city/county; see doula directories (e.g., Stillbirthday) for local resources.

 

Talking About Your Journey

Share only what feels right, when it feels right.

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• Answering questions: It’s okay to be honest—or to keep it short. Not telling a stranger is not a betrayal; sometimes it’s survival.

• Unsolicited advice/platitudes: You can correct gently—or conserve energy and step away.

• Social media: Join private loss communities if helpful; share publicly only if/when it feels right.

• Changing relationships: Distance from some and closeness with unexpected people is common. Consider support groups to widen your circle with people who “get it.”

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Comfort & Support Items

 For aching arms

• Walter's Bears - This shop specializes in creating keepsakes to comfort individuals during moments like infant loss, bereavement, and special events. These keepsakes range from custom weighted bears, recordable bears, and urns.

• Reborn Dolls - Many families find comfort in obtaining a reborn doll - a lifelike, weighted doll meticulously handcrafted with love from trusted artists. Dolls can be purchased from individual artists, Amazon or Etsy at various price points. 

 

Keepsakes

• Cremation or memorial jewelry (customizable through funeral homes, Etsy, or jewelers).

• Vinyl decals from baby footprints.

• Framed photos and a small home space for keepsakes—when and if you’re ready.

 

Boundary Tools

• Perinatal loss door signs (hospital/home) to signal whether you’re up for visitors.

 

Social & Practical Tips 

• Protect your energy: limit screens, mute triggers, rest.

• Accept help: give friends specific tasks (meals, errands, childcare).

• Keep hydrated, nourished, and gently active—grief is full-body work.

• You can always change your mind about what you share, attend, or display at home.

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Next steps...

If and when the time is right, we suggest looking into the following resources and groups:

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• Start with a virtual support group - Three Little Bird's hosts support groups that includes mental health providers, advocates and is open to parents, grandparents and other loved ones. Cameras/participation optional. Many families find the support they need simply by listening. Click here for our current schedule and other offerings from perinatal loss organizations. 

• Attend and in-person support group - Three Little Birds also hosts in-person groups quarterly to provide a safe space to connect, learn about resources and find a new friend that "gets it". Click here for our current schedule.

• Find community - There are so many groups locally and beyond that are working to create safe spaces, programs and services to support perinatal loss. At Three Little Birds, we call this our "nest". Click here to find more local groups.

 

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