IMMEDIATE AND LONG-TERM LOSS SUPPORT
Infant and Pregnancy Loss Support at no cost to you.
Three Little Birds has been providing families complimentary support before, during and after their loss, since 2016. Our goal is to help every family, regardless of their religious beliefs, financial situations, etc and support them through the hardest time in their lives.
PALLIATIVE CARE
What happens after your baby receives a life-limiting or uncertain fetal diagnosis?
Lethal fetal diagnoses are made in 2% of all pregnancies. When prenatal screening and subsequent diagnostic tests return a definitive diagnosis of a condition with a poor or lethal prognosis, such as one of the ones below, parents may face the decision of whether to continue the pregnancy. Whether you decide to terminate or carry to term, Three Little Birds is here to support your family through the following services and programs:
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Bedside Memory Making - Three Little Birds can provide materials to assist or for you to make lasting memories of your special baby including foot/hand molds, Recognition of Life Certificates, blankets and other personalized items.
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Complimentary Maternity Photography through our Community Partner, Image is Everything Studios: Many families have found comfort in photographing their family and pregnancy as they lead up to delivery to bond and create lasting memories.
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Birth Plan Preparation & Support. While families can not control what is happening, they can feel more empowered by creating a personalized birth plan to take to the hospital to provide staff with your wishes and expectations during your delivery and the time after.
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Infant Remembrance Portraiture. All of our families have expressed their support of and gratitude for photography services after birth and/or during memory making. Our trained bereavement photographers will provide 20-30 gently edited photographs of your beautiful family.
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Bump Casting Kits. Belly casting is a unique way to preserve your pregnancy bump. We offer this service free to our families. Once it hardens, it can then be decorated to reflect your special unique baby. One of our trained doulas can create this bump with you or a kit can be given to you and your partner. This is a great activity for mom and dad/non-birthing parent to share some intimacy, as well as a great bonding opportunity for your partner with the baby.
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3D/4D HD Ultrasounds & Heartbeat Captures. Our Community Partner, Wondertime, LLC, supports our palliative care families by offering complementary 3D/4D ultrasounds and heartbeat captures for families to share with their immediate or extended family in their office in Pitman, NJ.
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Funeral/Memorial Service Coordination/Support. We can assist families by finding compassionate service providers in your community to provide their services for free or at minimal costs. No one ever plans for these types of expenses that can create a financial burden for families. There are also financial assistance programs for families through other non-profit organizations in the area. We also work with churches and other groups to develop meaningful memorial or funeral services.
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Complimentary Angel Gown. Angel Gowns are created by talented seamstresses out of donated wedding gowns. Each gown is handcrafted by volunteers and given to families for burial or as a keepsake. Every baby deserves a dignified garment to wear.
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Vast Array of Financial and Bereavement Resources. We have local and regional resources to share to help assist you with anything you need.
-
One-on-One Empathetic, Non-Judgmental Support . Our organization was founded by others who have walked similar journeys. We are trained bereavement professionals who simply want to support your needs in these unique situations. Our job is to advocate when you feel powerless. We will ensure all of your wants and desires for your child and the time you have together are met. There are no requests too large to accommodate.
TERMINATION FOR MEDICAL REASONS
When doctors recommend terminating a wanted pregnancy, the compelling medical reasons are usually either a serious health condition of the mother or fetal abnormalities that are incompatible with life. The decision-making process to end these pregnancies can be straightforward for some of these situations, but not as easy for others. The decision to have an abortion for medical reasons can be difficult and stressful for a woman and her partner. If you are faced with this situation, make sure you have all of the facts to make the best informed decision possible. However, recognize that in an emergency situation where your life is in critical danger, you might not have the ability to consider your options.
If you are a mother facing the possibility of elective abortion, please know the value of time. Time. You are not alone. There are resources and support for whatever your circumstances are, whether the death of your baby is inevitable due to diagnosis or whether the death of your baby feels like the only option in a terrible collection of pain and impossibility. You are not alone. There is value in time. It’s not to trick you. It’s to give you even just one morsel of the enormity of what may feel taken from you right now. Please. Use time. When you are faced with making a decision regarding the duration of your baby's life in-utero, any decision you make....... having to face the decision itself can be excruciating and even traumatic. Reaffirming that you are intrinsically worthy of respect, dignity and love is vital. Please remember - You are worthy. You are worthy.
If you are a mother who has given birth via elective abortion, you don’t need us to tell you that your baby was a baby. And we don’t need you to confess that you are filled with regret. Whatever your circumstance, wherever you have been, you are valuable. You are worthy. We will not blast out the cliché that you have reproductive rights. That doesn’t begin to reach into the magnitude of what you may be carrying. You have a right to healing. Not conditional upon holding a certain threshold of shame. But simply because you were created to receive love from One who loves you unconditionally and because that One not only holds your baby for you, but waits patiently for you to sense that love being given to you, so that when you finally become filled with that love, you can give some of that love in return. (Source: Heidi Faith, Stillbirthday).
If you are considering elective termination, Three Little Birds is here to support your family through the following services and programs:
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Bedside Memory Making - Three Little Birds can provide materials to assist or for you to make lasting memories of your special baby including foot/hand molds, Recognition of Life Certificates, blankets and other personalized items.
-
Complimentary Maternity Photography to honor your family through our Community Partner, Image is Everything Studios in Franklinville, NJ. Many families have found comfort in photographing their family and pregnancy as they lead up to delivery to bond and create lasting memories.
-
Birth Plan Preparation & Support. While families can not control what is happening, they can feel more empowered by creating a personalized birth plan to take to the hospital to provide staff with your wishes and expectations during your delivery and the time after.
-
Infant Remembrance Portraiture. All of our families have expressed their support of and gratitude for photography services after birth and/or during memory making. Our trained bereavement photographers will provide 20-30 gently edited photographs of your beautiful family.
-
Bump Casting Kits. Belly casting is a unique way to preserve your pregnancy bump. We offer this service free to our families. Once it hardens, it can then be decorated to reflect your special unique baby. One of our trained doulas can create this bump with you or a kit can be given to you and your partner. This is a great activity for mom and dad/non-birthing parent to share some intimacy, as well as a great bonding opportunity for your partner with the baby.
-
3D/4D HD Ultrasounds & Heartbeat Captures. Our Community Partner, Wondertime, LLC, supports our palliative care families by offering complementary 3D/4D ultrasounds and heartbeat captures for families to share with their immediate or extended family in their office in Pitman, NJ.
-
Funeral/Memorial Service Coordination/Support. We can assist families by finding compassionate service providers in your community to provide their services for free or at minimal costs. No one ever plans for these types of expenses that can create a financial burden for families. There are also financial assistance programs for families through other non-profit organizations in the area. We also work with churches and other groups to develop meaningful memorial or funeral services.
-
Complimentary Angel Gown. Angel Gowns are created by talented seamstresses out of donated wedding gowns. Each gown is handcrafted by volunteers and given to families for burial or as a keepsake. Every baby deserves a dignified garment to wear.
-
Vast Array of Financial and Bereavement Resources. We have local and regional resources to share to help assist you with anything you need.
-
One-on-One Empathetic, Non-Judgmental Support . Our organization was founded by others who have walked similar journeys. We are trained bereavement professionals who simply want to support your needs in these unique situations. Our job is to advocate when you feel powerless. We will ensure all of your wants and desires for your child and the time you have together are met. There are no requests too large to accommodate.
MISCARRIAGE SUPPORT
A miscarriage is defined as the loss of a pregnancy before 20 weeks (NJ) or 16 weeks (PA).
If you were rejoicing over a positive pregnancy test just weeks or months ago, coping with a sudden and unexpected
miscarriage can be difficult. Even though you may have never seen your baby, you knew that they were growing inside of you and you probably formed a bond. You may have dreamed about your baby and imagined yourself as a mother. imagining all the experiences you would share together as they grew. And then, all the excitement of the future ahead came abruptly to a stop.
Understandably, you may feel a range of emotions: sad and disheartened over the loss; angry and resentful it happened to you; possibly withdrawn from friends and family (especially those who are pregnant or just had babies). You may have trouble eating and sleeping at first, and accepting the finality of it all. You may cry a lot, or you may not cry at all. These are all among the many natural, healthy responses to a pregnancy loss. (Remember: your reaction is what’s normal for you.)
Three Little Birds Support
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One-on-One empathic support via phone/text, email and community events
STILLBIRTH
Stillbirth is defined as the loss of a pregnancy after 20 weeks gestation (NJ) or 16 weeks (PA).
An estimated 70 babies are stillborn EVERY DAY in the United States. Stillbirth is one of the most devastating of losses, affecting over 25,000 families each year. Stillbirth touches families of all races, religion and socioeconomic status. For many parents, it is a loss that hits unexpectedly. In fact, up to half of all stillbirths occur in pregnancies that had seemed problem-free. Unfortunately, so many parents will suffer this devastating loss in silence, due to the continued social stigma and taboo surrounding even the word. Three Little Birds recognizes that the grief and pain that you feel is real and often times, just not recognized as seriously as it should be. Three Little Birds is here to support your family through the following services and programs:
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Bedside Memory Making - Three Little Birds can provide materials to assist or for you to make lasting memories of your special baby including foot/hand molds, Recognition of Life Certificates, blankets and other personalized items.
-
Funeral/Memorial Service Coordination/Support. We can assist families by finding compassionate service providers in your community to provide their services for free or at minimal costs. No one ever plans for these types of expenses that can create a financial burden for families. There are also financial assistance programs for families through other non-profit organizations in the area. We also work with churches and other groups to develop meaningful memorial or funeral services.
-
Complimentary Angel Gown. Angel Gowns are created by talented seamstresses out of donated wedding gowns. Each gown is handcrafted by volunteers and given to families for burial or as a keepsake. Every baby deserves a dignified garment to wear.
-
Vast Array of Financial and Bereavement Resources. We have local and regional resources to share to help assist you with anything you need.
-
One-on-One Empathetic, Non-Judgmental Support . Our organization was founded by others who have walked similar journeys. We are trained bereavement professionals who simply want to support your needs in these unique situations. Our job is to advocate when you feel powerless. We will ensure all of your wants and desires for your child and the time you have together are met. There are no requests too large to accommodate.
NEONATAL/BABY LOSS
Neonatal death is defined as when a baby passes away in the first 28 days of life.
If this has happened to you, we're sure you have many questions about how and why it happened. Your baby’s health care provider should be able to help you learn as much as possible about your baby’s death. Sometimes having an autopsy performed on your baby can also yield clues or answers, but in many cases, the answer is unknown. Unfortunately, neonatal death happens every 4 in 1,000 babies each year in the United States.
Three Little Birds recognizes that the grief and pain that you feel is real and often times, just not recognized as seriously as it should be. Three Little Birds is here to support your family through the following services and programs:
-
Bedside Memory Making - Three Little Birds can provide materials to assist or for you to make lasting memories of your special baby including foot/hand molds, Recognition of Life Certificates, blankets and other personalized items.
-
Funeral/Memorial Service Coordination/Support. We can assist families by finding compassionate service providers in your community to provide their services for free or at minimal costs. No one ever plans for these types of expenses that can create a financial burden for families. There are also financial assistance programs for families through other non-profit organizations in the area. We also work with churches and other groups to develop meaningful memorial or funeral services.
-
Complimentary Angel Gown. Angel Gowns are created by talented seamstresses out of donated wedding gowns. Each gown is handcrafted by volunteers and given to families for burial or as a keepsake. Every baby deserves a dignified garment to wear.
-
Vast Array of Financial and Bereavement Resources. We have local and regional resources to share to help assist you with anything you need.
-
One-on-One Empathetic, Non-Judgmental Support . Our organization was founded by others who have walked similar journeys. We are trained bereavement professionals who simply want to support your needs in these unique situations. Our job is to advocate when you feel powerless. We will ensure all of your wants and desires for your child and the time you have together are met. There are no requests too large to accommodate.
INFERTILITY SUPPORT
In an effort to effectively support our families with Infertility, Three Little Birds conducted a confidential voluntary survey for families to provide input regarding their struggles, what was helpful and supportive and how we can support them during this difficult and stressful time. We are seeking to develop a complete support subcommittee focused solely on supporting families who reach out to us for support during their diagnosis, treatment or pregnancy after treatment.
Primary Infertility is a condition of the reproductive system that prevents the conception of children. It affects approximately 10-15% of couples throughout the United States. The diagnosis of infertility is usually given to couples who have been attempting to conceive for at least one year without success. Secondary infertility is the inability to conceive a child after previously given birth.
For many families, struggling with infertility is like living the five stages of grief every single month. Families deny, bargain, get angry, cry and accept, only to get up and try again each month.
SUPPORTING THE PARTNER
Often, after the loss of a pregnancy or baby, family and friends focus on the needs of the mother and overlook the needs and grief of the father/non-birthing parent (NBP) who lost the same baby/pregnancy. We recognize that unfortunate fact and are working hard to help change the way people think about and respond to loss. Men in particular tend to handle emotions much differently than your female counterpart and your grief is no different. Your response to your child’s death, or lack of, may be very different than mom - and sometimes in a way that puzzles her.
What can be done to show support to a NBP who has experienced the deep pain of losing a child? Probably the most appreciated gesture of support would be to acknowledge the fact that the father is still a father/mom is still a mom, even though their child is no longer living on this earth. Refer to him as a dad/her as mom, and express your genuine sorrow for his loss. Partners who have lost a child as early as miscarriage should most certainly be included among the group of grieving parents.
Recognize the fact that NBPs go through emotional upheavals during the grief of child loss. Men often times outwardly grieve different than a mother would, so they might not want a lot of special treatment. They are generally less apt to talk about their feelings of hurt and loss, but those feelings are still there and need to be recognized. They are, by nature, “fixers” and the loss of a child is a loss that cannot be fixed. This fact is often very hard for a man to accept. By giving a card and a personal word, you will help validate to the NBP that they are still a Dad/Mom!
Lastly, on Father’s/Mother's Day, finding a card specifically for parents who have lost a child can be next to impossible. If you cannot find a card with an appropriate verse, choose a blank card and write your own message from the heart. “Sharing in your sorrow this Father’s/Mother's Day” or, if appropriate, “Blessings to you this year as God watches over your heavenly angel”, will show a tremendous amount of compassion and support to a NBP who is grieving the loss of a child on these days.
With help and support from family and friends, a NBP can move forward in his/her grief. By letting them know that they have not been forgotten, you will validate their identity as a dad/mpm.
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To all grieving mothers: your partners lack of emotions to your pregnancy or infant loss may surprise, shock or confuse you. Please be aware that this is very common, not necessarily a need to worry, and can have many, often several causes.
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Fathers often see themselves as providers, emotionally stronger, and take on the role of holding the "family ship" above water when everything else is falling apart.
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Men are used to dealing with their emotions in an different way.
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Many grieving fathers need to return to work soon after the sad event and function there. A fathers grieving sadly often doesn't find acceptance at work.
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A fathers relationship to his child is often very different to a mother-child relationship. Especially, if the child died before birth, fathers have fewer and less tangible memories.
SIBLING SUPPORT
Especially in the case of very young children, our initial instinct may be to "protect" or "shelter" our offspring from a tragedy with which we, as adults, are barely able to cope. We tell ourselves that they are "too young to understand." We may leave them out of the discussions and rituals associated with the death. This can be a serious mistake. Whether we talk about it or not, our children will certainly become aware of our own feelings of sadness.
Failure on our part to be open and honest about our feelings surrounding their siblings death, can leave them feeling anxious, bewildered, and alone. They will be left on their own to look for answers to their questions at a time when they most need the help and reassurance of those around them, and may end up coming to the conclusion that they are personally responsible for Mommy and Daddy's tears. Sharing grief as a family can be a meaningful experience for everyone involved and an important opportunity for growth. Three Little Birds encourages the following in supporting siblings through loss:
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As soon as possible after the death, explain what has happened in a simple and direct manner.
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Listen to the child and try to understand both what is being said and what is not said.
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Encourage questions. Keep answers brief, straightforward, and to the point.
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Let children know that death is an open subject and that it is okay to feel sadness and to try to talk about it.
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Maintain normal routines as much as possible. Children crave and are reassured by regularity and structure.
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Show affection.
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Reassure children about the cause of death.
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Be tolerant of behavioral changes. So much is happening around them, and none of it is ABOUT them. That's hard for kids to understand.
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Let your child attend and take part in the funeral or memorial service.
GRANDPARENT SUPPORT
No one expects to outlive their own children, much less experience the loss of a much-loved, much-wanted grandchild. It is so difficult to raise a family, see your children do the same and see the cycle broken in this out-of-order way. No one is prepared for the grief that follows. As a grandparent, you have double grief. You grieve your grandchild who has died, as well as for your own child who is now a bereaved parent. You not only feel your own pain and sadness, but also feel helpless and frustrated at not being able to help your bereaved child.
It helps to remember that there is no timetable for grief. Don't expect too much of your child, his or her spouse or yourself. At first, no one believes it. When the reality hits, everyone feels even more devastated. It is important to consider your needs as well as those of your bereaved child. Acknowledging and working with your grief will help you and indirectly, your grieving child.
Don't be surprised if at first you can't reach out to your grieving child. Remember that you are grieving. Be patient with yourself. Eventually, you may be able to talk, listen and help. IF you find that you can't help specifically with the grief you can send cards, tell them you love them, etc. Explain that you wish that you could be of more help but you don't know what to do.
SUGGESTIONS FOR HELPING YOURSELF AND YOUR GRIEVING CHILD
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Read about grief. It is important to understand what you and your child are experiencing.
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ALWAYS let the parents take the lead when it comes to any decisions in regards to the baby.
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Allow yourself to have feelings and to cry
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It helps to be open and share your feelings. Your openness sets a good example for your child. Share the good memories and the good days as well as the pain of grief and the bad days.
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Talk about your deceased grandchild. Mention his or her name.
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Find someone with whom you can talk freely - a friend, support group member, clergy or counselor.
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Be available to LISTEN frequently to your child. Respect your child's way of handling the pain and expressing the grief. Don't tell your child how he or she should react. If you say something wrong, it's okay. Just let them know your words were not intended to be hurtful.
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At special times (anniversary of their passing, holidays, etc.) write and/or call your bereaved child. Mention you know what day it is. You are calling to say you love them and you wish you could take their pain away.
LGBTQIA REPRODUCTIVE AND LOSS SUPPORT
Through our years working with families, we've seen an overwhelming need for loss support in the LGBTQIA community. In addition to the understandable grief and trauma that comes with reproductive and infant loss, you may also lack of support from your families, employers or medical providers.
Three Little Birds seeks to be the change we want to see in our community. With your help, sharing your stories (good or bad), and through peer support, perhaps it won't be that hard. For now, we are proud to offer as many resources as we can find, to give you the support you desire and deserve during this difficult time.
We recognize that the implicit focus on heterosexual couples in pregnancy loss services and resources can make it difficult for those with a different experience to receive appropriate care or to find connections to others with similar stories.
Three Little Birds aims to advocate for the importance of correctly using names and pronouns in the pursuit of “ensuring that medical experiences following a pregnancy loss do not further compound the potential grief experienced by men, trans/masculine, and non-binary people and their partners.”
Helping families find competent, gender-affirming healthcare providers is also of utmost importance. If you've personally had a caring doctor or facility walk this journey with you and you want to share their name(s), please do! If you've had to settle for subpar treatment, marginalization or discrimination in this journey, we are SO SORRY to hear this! Loss is already so hard, and shouldn't be compounded by your doctor. Educating providers through guidance will be done with the help of you and your families, if you wish to do so.
To support you and your family when a experiencing a pregnancy loss, Three Little Birds offers the following services to our families:
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Schedule a 3D/4D Ultrasound with Wondertime, LLC. Three Little Birds offers an experienced sonographer trained in perinatal loss and bereavement, so they are sensitive to your fears and anxiety. Ultrasounds can be done for early pregnancies, when you haven't had your first "real" ultrasound yet, but still want photos as a memory of this baby and pregnancy.
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Do a belly cast with your partner! If your belly is showing, even just a little, Three Little Birds offers a kit you can purchase (covers cost of materials only - email us!) or you can purchase your own as well. We are also happy to help you make your belly cast.
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Support Packages. Our goal is to validate and honor families through loss and beyond. We have put together loss packages on our Etsy Page, for purchase if you are not in our service area, or complimentary for TLB Families.
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One-on-One Empathetic, Non-Judgmental Support. Our organization was founded by others who have walked similar journeys. We are trained bereavement professionals who simply want to support your needs in these unique situations. We know how terrifying pregnancy loss can be. We are here to support you.
PREGNANCY AFTER LOSS/RAINBOW BABY SUPPORT
Finding you are pregnant after loss, whether intended or not, is equal parts exciting and terrifying. Families are often hesitant to acknowledge their pregnancy or share their news in anticipation of another loss. This is normal. We are here to support you.
What is a rainbow baby? A rainbow baby is a baby born after a miscarriage, stillborn, or neonatal death. It is called a rainbow baby because it is like a rainbow after a storm: something beautiful after something scary and dark. While Three Little Birds uses this term, we recognize it is not for everyone. We encourage families to define their families in a way that is comfortable to you.
When a mother experiences a pregnancy loss, she needs time and care to assimilate the experience into her life. Every aspect of her life is changed. Pregnancies impact her: hearing that other people are pregnant, but also her own subsequent pregnancies impact her as well.
When a mother experiences a pregnancy loss, and then she becomes pregnant again, she doesn’t just “get to leave” the pregnancy loss demographic. She will forever be a loss mom. When a mother experiences a pregnancy loss, and then she becomes pregnant again, she enters into this new pregnancy in a different way than she has ever entered into a pregnancy before.
She is scared in a way she wasn’t before. She is excited in a way she wasn’t before. She is aware of loss mothers’ feelings toward her pregnancy in a way she wasn’t before. She cherishes her pregnancy in a way she hasn’t before. She is eager for the full term, live, happy delivery of her baby in a way she hadn’t been before.
When a mother experiences a pregnancy loss, and learns that another mother who has also endured a loss has become pregnant again, she needs to remember that this pregnancy does not take the mother out of grief. It does not remove her from the reality of her loss. In an effort to support these complex emotions and managing a healthy pregnancy, Three Little Birds offers the following services to our families:
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Rainbow Baby Door Signs for purchase - In an effort to support families and medical professionals, we have developed beautiful door signs that make staff and visitor's aware there is a layer of grief associated with your birth that you wish for them to recognize. They can be purchased here.
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Schedule a 3D/4D Ultrasound with Wondertime, LLC. Three Little Birds offers an experienced sonographer trained in perinatal loss and bereavement, so they are sensitive to your fears and anxiety. Sure, with your past, you may already get extra ultrasounds at your doctors appointments but we can guarantee you have never gotten a 3d/4D HD Ultrasound like the ones Glenda at Wondertime LLC does for our clients! And guess what? She gives all Three Little Birds clients a great discount for Rainbow Babies (plus she has adorable rainbow baby heartbeat animals and photo frames in her office too!!!)
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Do a belly cast with your partner! Three Little Birds offers a kit you can purchase (email us!) or you can purchase your own as well. If you schedule a maternity session with Image is Everything Studios, they'll even help you do one as well!
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Schedule a Maternity Portrait Session. Our community sponsor, Image is Everything Studios provides discounted rainbow baby sessions for our loss families. They specialize in Rainbow Maternity Sessions, as well as perinatal loss and bereavement. Our goal is to provide family portraits that memorialize the child you lost while honoring and celebrating the arrival of their sibling.
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Rainbow Baby Support Packages/Gifts. Our goal is to validate and honor families through loss and beyond. Our Rainbow Baby Support Box provides resources and items to provide comfort and validation to families as they welcome their newest child, while honoring their previous loss.
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One-on-One Empathetic, Non-Judgmental Support. Our organization was founded by others who have walked similar journeys. We are trained bereavement professionals who simply want to support your needs in these unique situations. We know how terrifying pregnancy after loss can be. We are here to support you.